Defenders (2): Doctor Strange, Hulk, Silver Surfer, Namor, Valkyrie

Archie’s Super Teens (15): Pureheart the Powerful, Superteen, Captain Hero, Mighty Moose, Miss Vanity

The Archie Super-Teens stand in colorful spandex. Miss Vanity pulls out her cellphone to observe herself with her companions. Just as she thinks she’s gotten them all in the right light take a selfie her background is eclipsed with green.

WHOMP! The Hulk comes crashing down, scattering the teenagers. “HULK SMASH!” The Hulk pounds down into the ground, sending gravelly undulations over the fallen Super Teens.

All five teens stand up and a few take to the air. “I don’t think that this guy knows who he’s messing with!” Pureheart glides down and wallops the Hulk.

“It seems our green friend may have been a tad hasty.” Doctor Strange observes, “Perhaps another course of action would be recommended.”

“Yes, like perhaps showing these whelps that the Defenders are not to be trifled with.” Namor takes to the air and punches Pureheart. While his first victim is reeling, he turns to Captain Hero and punches him down as well.

Just as Namor turns to a third target, Superteen launches herself at him. “Nice trunks!” Betty Cooper teases as she punches Namor, much harder than he was expecting.

“Yeah, but I think you forgot the rest of your costume?” Miss Vanity adds.

“I think his wardrobe has little effect on the outcome of this battle.” Doctor Strange floats above the fight below. “I’ve used the Eye of Agamotto to discern that you’re all void of magical protections.” He claps his hands together and opens them into his familiar hand gesture. He circles his arms around in front of himself and chants under his breath. Five red bands appear around the five Super Teens. They struggle and squirm, but are all unable to escape.

WINNER: Defenders

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